Sea of S

(816) But good luck sifting through the sea of S. Skinny slutty stupid and spoiled.
(660) that sea has a great surf! bad reef tho...

Sick of Classes & Sick in Classes

Being sick as a college student is without a doubt one of the most trying things in the universe. As if I needed anything that would make it more difficult to motivate myself. During the average week I already struggle to pull myself off the couch and away from the death grip Wife Swap and Top Chef has wrenched around my attention, not to mention convince myself that I don’t have another 45 minutes to stalk pregnant girls from my high school via FaBo. Now I’m running a fever and find myself amidst more boogers than that creepy kid Sean from the 3rd grade that was always rocking a snot ‘stache. Heaven forbid I do take the 3 days recommended hiatus and rest and hydrate, then I am in over my head with make-up work. You never get sick the week where you find yourself with a break, the week with only one take home quiz. It is always the week with the presentation, 2 tests, and a review session over the topic you are totally lost on. So if you haven’t caught on I am sick. I went to the doctor on Monday because I was fairly confident I was internally combusting in my Anatomy lecture. The lecturer was having difficulty with getting the lights to the proper dimness so after turning all of the halogen lights on and off 30 times I couldn’t decide if I was ready to take notes or if I was ODing on X at a really shitty rave. So I get to the doctor and he asks me what my problem was. Shit. Shit is my problem. I feel like shit. I sound like shit. And what’s in my nose, throat, and head? SHIT. We do some tests. No mono. No strep. INFLUENZA. Who gets influenza? Am I in the back of a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail? Am I about to ford the river? Is my ox about to die? So I have spent the past 3 days asleep. I have been taking NyQuil like it’s my job. I mean I have been chugging the stuff like the guy from Crazy Town loose from the VH1’s Sober House. Today I kinda feel better. I mean I don’t feel up to cartwheel contests or training for a triathlon, but I bathed today, so I am a step up from where I was yesterday. Now I am looking down the throat of 3 days of make-up work, but the only thing that I have any desire to comment on is my lack of motivation. And while I think how did I get sick? Maybe it’s because college is one of the dirtiest places ever. I wake up in the morning push past my dirty laundry that is flowing into the hallway lava style and pick of my toothbrush that has been spooning my roommates for 3 weeks. I go downstairs to pick through the shoes that are piled knee high as if Mariah Carey did some spring cleaning. Walk up my college neighborhood street past garbage predominantly made of sticky Busch Light cans and Gumby’s boxes. Once I am on campus I sit in a lecture hall where 6 other students have sat today, 2 of which probably drooled a little on the desk. (Especially if it is in the Physics building. The drool rate increases in there) By the time I decide to go out I take a few swigs off a fifth that everyone else in the room has drank off, and then unwind with a few games of beer pong. Where everyone in the garage shares cups and dunks dirty ping pong balls into water so the dust and grim on the floor really sticks before it’s thrown back into the few ounces of cheap beer I plan on chugging. So between the day in my house, on campus, and capped off with a few cups of garage confetti Natty light, it’s no wonder I have fucking Influenza.

Pet Peeves By: A-Train

• text messages that get stuck in pending and you think they have been sent
• people who wear black and brown together
• people who wear orange and red together
• uggs. sorry.
• hair thats white blonde on top and black on the bottom. whats that about?
• when my socks get wet
• not enough milk for cereal
• opening the box of cereal without enough to pour a bowl
• snuggies. blanket with sleeves? really?
• when my hair gets stuck to my hands in the shower
• when my hair product makes the bathroom floor sticky or slippery (depends on the day, product, and humidity-Sorry Roomies)
• hot pizza that burns the top of your mouth, thus ruining the entire pizza eating process
• when waiters/waiteresses refer to me and my female friends as "girls." youre selling some of us booze, don't you think were much more like women than girls?
• girls who list tanning as a hobby on fabo. i love tanning but it's not a hobby. i also don't list breathing, sleeping, eating, or pooping even though i do those things frequently.
• gUrlZ wHo tYpe LyK DiS
• songs that tell me how to dance
• blue contacts. youre not fooling anyone. we just think youre possessed.
• when people pretend to speak spanish by adding O's to everything. "i dont speako the spanisho." it makes you seem ignorant and its offensive.
• when i get invited to events on facebook that you KNOW i won't come to. I dont actually want to go to the high school girls soccer game in olathe on a tuesday during finals.
• when my deodorant is almost gone and the plastic part scratches my arm pits
• guys at the gym with poor form. im not impressed youre curling more than you should. youre just tearing your lumbar.
• girls at the gym with no spatial reasoning. you almost punched me in the face with the 2.5 on your 300th lateral arm raise.
• anyone who snaps to get anyones attention. (whistling is worse)
• spilling coffee.
• classes that are far apart from each other. i dont want to run so im walking as fast as i can, and my calves are on fire.
• teachers who don't use blackboard. wow i thought i was performing well in your class. turns out I have a D.
• when i have my laptop but no outlet at the library.
• anytime my ipod dies.
• nickelback, hinder, daughtry, creed. anything that sounds like that makes my tympanic membrane bleed. (thats in your ear)
• anytime postsecret isnt updated promptly on sunday
• when i sign on to facebook and think i have a new secret message and its just from a group i didn't really want to join
• being late.

Middle School to College

Yet another text conversation between Sarah York (yorkshark.blogspot.com) and me

AP: ...I hate girls that cry in the bathroom at bars. Same girls who cried in the bathroom at the rollerrink in middle school

SY: YES. Same exact situation except the added element of alcohol. And instead of bawling about couple skating, she's bawling because her coked out boyfriend cheats on her.

AP: Exactly. It's not that she lost at limbo, she lost her Kathy purse with her iPhone in it.

SY: It's not that she didn't get asked to the dance by 'Todd', it's that Todd wants her to abort their baby so he can go to grad school and fuck smart girls.

AP: It's not that he cupped her hand instead of lacing fingers during couple skate, it's that she smoked too much laced weed in the back of someone's Explorer.

SY: It's not that he spilled nachos on her at the snack bar and didn't say sorry....it's that he stashed ecstasy in her glove box and she got pulled over.

AP: It's not that she didn't have enough money to buy glitter lipgloss, it's that her boyfriend had some other woman's glitter on his wang

SY: It's not that she got caught stealing butterfly hair clips from Claire's, it's that she got caught plagiarizing a term paper and she's getting expelled.

AP: It's not that she ended up in a shack playing 'mash', it's that she can't pay rent and will be living in a shack

SY: It's not that her box-dyed hair turned out like shit, it's that she got rejected from beauty school because she got a 6 on the ACT

AP: It's not that she got grounded from AIM for sneaking out, it's that she got a D-Dub and her license is revoked

SY: It's not that she failed her learner's permit test for the fourth time, it's that she tested positive for Hep-C after spring break

AP: That was best yet. She didn't forget her Spanish workbook pages, it was her comprehensive essay final that was two hours ago

SY: HAHA nice. It's not that she's been skipping gym class for three weeks, it's that she's been skipping periods for four months

AP: She isn't going to get detention for being late, she's going to have a 2nd string football player's child because she caught jungle fever on a Thursday and is "late"

SY: Hahaha. It's not that she's been diagnosed with a learning disability, she's been diagnosed with a severe eating disorder

AP: She isn't going to kiss her teacher's ass to get good grades, she's going to lick her prof's asshole to pass

SY: I just burst out laughing. It's not that she is hyper from too much Surge cola, she's fucked up from too much rohypnol in her drink

AP: Glad you liked that one, I did too. She isn't embarassed to be at the grocery store with her parents. They are embarassed to be with her.

SY: It's not that she backed into her mailbox on her way to cheer practice at 4 pm...it's that she ran over a homeless guy while hammered at 4 am

AP: She isn't writing 'live laugh love' on her notebook in cursive with gel pens, she's getting it tattooed on her lower back.

SY: Silent wheezing laughter. It's not that she's in detention after school, she's in jail after her sorority formal.

AP: She isn't experimenting in freshman Chem lab. She's experimenting with a freshman girl she met in Chem lab.

SY: Nice, haha. It's not that she got cut from the volleyball team, it's that she got cut from her grandma's will.

AP: HAHA oh Sarah York we are so witty. I need to sleep. I adore you I'll talk to you tomorrow

SY: Same to you, goodnight dahling.

I love you more than Lil Wayne

This was a text conversation between Sarah York and me.
Check out more funny stuff from Sarah at Yorkshark.blogspot.com

SY: I'm watching Harry Potter all the way through for the first time, does that make you like me any less?

AP: I have never seen any is that okay?

SY: Haha yeah that's fine. And a total lie I'm sure :)

AP: I'm wasted

SY: Good! You're having a way better night than me then. Having fun?

AP: In Texas and being witty

SY: 'Wittier than comedy...' --Lil Wayne

AP: You are a beautiful being. I love Lil Wayne more than oxygen water and sleep

SY: I love Lil Wayne more than Diet Coke and my sister.

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than bathing and good kisers.

SY: Haha, I love Lil Weezy more than Christmas and finding money in my old coats

AP: I love Lil Weezy more than Tina Fey and grilled cheese

SY: I love Lil Weezy more than white v-necks and Mariska Hargitay from Law & Order SVU

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than The L Word and Ellen Degeneres

SY: I love Lil Wayne more than Portia de Rossi and The Office

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than white blood cells and acoustic covers of Fast Car by the greatly underrated and brilliant Tracy Chapman

SY: I love Lil Wayne more than Chipotle and rocking out to John Mayer's acoustic "Why Georgia" with the windows down in the summer

AP: I love Lil Weezy more than Angelina, 30 Rock, cheesecake and dips based in velveeta

SY: I love Lil Weezy more than Chelsea Handler and getting drunk and making everyone around me laugh

AP: I love Lil Weezy more than philly cheese steaks, Oprah, open bars, and biscuits and gravy when I'm hung over

SY: I love Lil Weezy more than democracy, coffee, barbeque chicken, Megan Fox, and MU winning the Alamo bowl in overtime

AP: I love Lil Weezy more than 'thats not my child' episodes of Maury, green grapes, clean sheets, and exact change

SY: I love Lil Weezy more than tailgating, class being cancelled, PopIce popsicles, Heath Ledger's Joker, and Totino's party pizzas

AP: I am SO wasted. I love Lil Wayne more than firm handshakes, menthol cigarettes, mens deodorant, and new socks

SY: Thats the best one so far :) I love Lil Weezy more than free Jeager bombs, YouTube vids, SNL, cereal, and cracking my back

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than A League of Their Own, P Diddy's cologne I am King and vodka Ciroc, anything from Sonic, and the summer NOT WINTER olympics

SY: FUCK winter olympics. I love Lil Wayne more than 5 dollar footlongs, America, Natalie Portman, how I look in business suits, and adrenaline

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than Strongest Man competitions, new specials at Taco Bell, rugby, and cherry Kool-Aid

SY: I love Lil Wayne more than old Nickelodeon shows, gossiping, making out, Wendys fries dipped in frosties, and good tippers

AP: I love Lil Wayne more than thick headbands so people don't know how dirty my hair is, fresh shaved legs, serious Will Smith, and going tubing at the lake

SY: I love Lil Wayne more than when people tell me I'm funny, cute tagged pics, dark chocolate, and watching sports or UFC with straight guys

AP: Passing out this was life changing

SY: Haha it was indeed, you are my favorite person ever. We're gonna watch 'Strongest Man' together some day. Goodnight